when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
