hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
