Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
