hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
