A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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