On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
