I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
