So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Houston, we have a blender
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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