My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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