Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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