I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
