someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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