She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
