everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
