loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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