I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
