Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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