Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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