Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
