I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
