My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
