wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize