Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
