two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
