Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
