I cannot find my penis.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
