she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize