You just made me feel so damn special
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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