he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
