just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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