I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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