TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize