She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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