I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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