How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
