Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she looked like the before picture.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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