you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
