I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ketchup is God's man juice
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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