I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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