Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
