I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
