walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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