i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
