So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
