Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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