So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
