I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
