oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
