Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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