I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
