haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
