How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just gargled with NyQuil
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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