you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
