I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
