i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
