Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
