Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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