You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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