btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
