I got chris browned last night
I faked an abortion last night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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