Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
