My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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