mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
