and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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