So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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