so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
