so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
