Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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