apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
