I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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