I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
