what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize