it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
