I need help removing her.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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