When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
