hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
