I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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