Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
