Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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