some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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