This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
