Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My liver just had a heart attack.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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