is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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