Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize