everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
